yobech505

Examining the human frailties, I slither back into the why of what happens to the brain when too much emotion is slammed into it with a general lack of definable definition. We are not real good at it, often just blabbering as we try to make sense of what the most of it is. We end up even further lost in the fray, unable to look at any source of even the tiniest rationality, so much so that every time our nose is running, the kleenex is out of reach.

I am, if at all, the least prepared for this kind of gobbledegook. I take it in, try to process it and manage to make it even worse. And the caption underneath my cartoon is a simple, “What? You’re doing this AGAIN?” What in the love of Lucifer are you thinking? Dumbass is an appropriate term. Of course, it is unobtainable rationality that screws the whole thing up. Can’t do it. Never could. Won’t tomorrow either.

Fall, fall, fall!. That, I am very competent at. If it were an olympic event, I would win the gold. Or at least a bronze. Somewhere near the top of the platform, anyway. I obviously train for it, as is clearly shown by the numerous times I put myself in that obnoxiously acheful position. Not once has it, in its long term, let me get out of it. I have to deal with the whole routine, the kit and kaboodle, to use a childish scientific terminology. I get pulled in and never know what the bejabbers to do next, yet I’ve been through this rinse cycle so many times.

So where do I go next? Perhaps I will find a loophole to keep me from standing on the edge of this whole shebang and fall into it where I can never again be led. But, given my record, so far, that seems rather doubtful. I learn from my history but totally ignore the memories that keep trying to give me warning, telling me over and over, “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

So, now we’ve evidenced that I am a basket case of emotional laundry, left to soak but never washed on the ‘clean pots and pans’ button, and my own devices are not well prepared in my feeble humanity to move on smoothly. This road has not been paved since the Model T was invented and the weather and road conditions are not helping. I am bounced around, left to my own lack of inventiveness and captured by what I thought, or hoped, was a more complete emotional connection. Somehow, I forgot to attach the ground wire and got shocked. It’s all hot, now, and touching any of the wires will certainly send volts of energy surging through my inner part of the heart.

I wouldn’t be so damned pushed if the human parts healed faster. But they take so damn long, and they leave such a stack of obstacles, each one depending on me overcoming the one before it. Yes, eventually we reach the end of the challenge course, but it is often so miserable getting to that elusive finish line.

I am certainly capable of being overrun by the human side of my existence. There is more, down deep, but most of that is way beyond my ability to grasp a working knowledge of it. Not that I don’t try, but it is plaguing to look into that when it comes from someone who lacks the experience and bravery to explore it in greater depth.

So, for now, I will attempt to nod off and take on the whole shebang, torpedoes be damned. I don’t suppose I get any hidden suggestions to help me along, but that is part of my folly. Yes, I’ve done it again.